Are you aware that your ego loves fear? In fact, it thrives on fear, stress, and anxiety. Holding on to fear prevents you from growing as a person and finding true happiness.
But it’s not your ego’s fault. It’s just trying to protect you! Does that sound irrational? Hear me out. Ego isn't all bad.
So what’s a person to do?
Learn more about this surprising revelation:
1. What is the ego? The ego is part of your being. It reacts to the outside world and shapes how you see it. Your ego controls how you view yourself in relation to others. However, it’s important to note that you control this.
2. Notice the ego self-talk. The self-talk can be both positive and negative. Most people associate "ego" with negativity, or think that the term "ego" has a negative connotation. That isn't always the case.
○ You may see the ego come through in statements such as I’m not good enough or smart enough. On the other hand, you may see it in thoughts such as I’m perfect, capable, or beautiful.
○ The ego uses “I” and “me” in these self-talk conversations.
3. Pay attention to fear. Since the ego is connected to the outside world and how you view yourself, fear is a prominent part. You may be afraid to look foolish. You may be scared to do something new. You may fear talking to others. You may also have fears that you don't understand or even recognize which can lead to painful, repetitive cycles of self-sabotage or self-destruction.
○ Your ego is fragile, so it can get hurt easily. For example, someone may say something that hurts your feelings. You immediately shut down and don’t want to talk to this person again. This is your ego in action. You’re hurt and scared of hearing them say something negative again. You may have heard of this referred to as having a "fragile ego".
○ It’s beneficial to recognize the fear, learn to adjust it, and work through it. Once you can do this, there is literally nothing you cannot bring yourself to do.
4. Understand psychological fear. In some situations, fear is necessary and can preserve you. However, the fear that comes from your ego is psychological and not necessary. It often appears irrational when viewed from the third person, at least I find this to be true for myself.
○ Fear of the unknown or being in a dark alley is normal. This is your gut trying to save you from a dangerous situation.
○ On the other hand, fear of talking to a safe crowd at a conference is your ego controlling you. Psychological fear can be damaging, intrusive, and distracting. It can lead to anger and resentment. It often stems from feelings of inadequacy and self-deprecation.
○ True Story: I have personally tried to speak in front of a small group of people, no more than 50 or so and ended up running from the room mid-panic attack. What's worse, is that I had to run through those people to get to the door, right down the center aisle with people on both sides. Thankfully, someone got to me before I got the keys in the ignition of my car and after centering myself and coming back to myself, I actually went back in and enjoyed the event and laughed off the situation. But it was hard. As of the date of this writing, I have yet to try to speak in front of people again. I am still learning to practice the tips in this article myself.
5. Recognize fear and worry. Fear and worry often appear together. Anxiety can lead you to fear and vice versa. See my story above. The two are linked, so it’s hard to separate them.
○ However, if you recognize that worry is the real issue, then fear won’t have a chance to take over. You can control how much you worry, so fear doesn’t have a chance to stop you.
6. Learn to be present. By learning to be present and observing your fear from a distance, you can control it. Awareness is the key to conquering fear created by the ego. Once you’re aware of how your ego is creating fear and anxiety, then you can observe it and learn to shape it.
○ You have the power to stop the fear in your mind. It’s important to remember that all the negative scenarios in your head don’t have to happen in real life. They can stay as imaginary issues. They may never materialize or cause you heartache.
Fear doesn’t have to take over your life. You can learn to control it and be happy. This is something that I have learned myself and continue to practice, and this is something that I help my clients overcome. As a Helping Practitioner, my goal is to help you conquer the obstacles in your life. Or rather, teach you how to conquer them yourself. I am just a guide.
Strategic Life Coaching coming in 2022!
Stay tuned for the BIG announcement of the date that I will begin accepting Strategic Life Coaching clients for 2022. I will be accepting a limited number of clients in 2022, so you will want to get signed up as soon as I post!